One cold night in December of 2001, I was feeling worthless. I wondered what I had done with my life (as if being in the midst of raising three amazing kids wasn’t “doing something”). I just “knew” that no one around me approved of me. This was a problem, because all of my self worth came from how I felt others viewed me.
So there I was in my parents’ house feeling super sorry for myself. It was cringeworthy, but I couldn’t see it at the time. Then I had an epiphany. I decided that I needed to go to school to “make something of myself, to contribute to” my family. I was going to be a teacher. Looking back, God had mine! What a beautiful career. I just wish I hadn’t received it at the expense of my family.
In 2004 my husband and I knew we needed more income to get through my last two years of college and beyond, so I started working part time at a winery. Reflecting, I now know that it wasn’t the best choice for someone who had sworn off drinking forever. (See previous post https://wwwsmc.blog/2022/07/05/im-never-drinking-again/ ) Working there presented a huge temptation to start drinking again, which I did. Quite a bit. It became medicinal. When my kids were at their most impressionable ages, I was drinking at least one bottle of wine and getting drunk every weekend. Thank GOD that isn’t my life anymore.
Make no mistake, 16 years after graduating from college and 14 years after being hired by my current employer, I am thankful. Thankful that God would have me choose a career so meaningful. Thankful that my job allows for me to really be there for my family, especially in the summer. Thankful that I am able to attempt to be a blessing to little lives every single day during the school year.
I just wish I would have seen the charge set before me in regards to raising MY KIDS. I wish I would have seen the beauty in the monotony…the blessings set before me for what they were. Unfortunately, I was too wrapped up in what the world thought of me.
But in comes God 16 years later, showing off as He rightfully should…bringing beauty from the ashes. And revealing to me that I’ve had the most beautiful life all along. Career or no career.
What I wish I would have taught my kids: Raising kids is a privilege and it’s noble. Every child is a gift that we are entrusted with to give our all to and train up in the way they should go. Never forget that, even when the monotony of raising a family seems unproductive. It is arguably the most important job you’ll ever have!